Tuesday, July 17, 2012

It's kind of like "What About Bob?"... Baby Steps

I know I haven't posted for a few days, and it's mostly because nothing is really new. Well, except that I got myself a bona-fide sponsor. Which so far is just someone I text every day with what I eat, and how much. For me this is a bit uncomfortable, because I'm a hider. I hide what I eat, where I eat, how much, etc. So to be 100% honest with someone is very revealing in many ways. Mostly, though, I just feel nekkid, like having to give a speech without a podium to lean on.

As of yet, I'm not officially "on plan" or abstinent, I guess that time will come. But I do find myself getting impatient. I feel ready, but my sponsor wants to create a safe place for me to be sincere and straightforward with my eating disorder. So for once I'm listening to what someone else has to say, and going with the flow. It's just so hard to look in the mirror every day and not see the person I am; the person I could be. Granted, at the time I'm still having a difficult time admitting to myself that I even have an eating disorder. Part of me wants to ignore it. To pretend that it's just a matter of eating a few more salads, but the more I discuss it with my sponsor the more I realize I really do have a problem---yuck. And it's going to take a lot of soul searching to come out on the other side of this. I was able to eat a very healthy diet with little-to-no sugar when I was pregnant with Peanut, and I'm going to find that will power again. So I'm looking forward to starting on my twelve steps to serenity, and I know this is where I'm supposed to be. I asked God to help me, and not but a day later I somehow found myself on the OA website without ever having heard of it before. Till then, I'm eating just a few more vegetables, a few more pieces of fruit, and staying away from those sinfully delicious treats like the cinnabon delights.

Oh! and I'm also posting recipes that are healthy and SUPER easy to make. Mostly because I can't cook for shit, and even if you can, who doesn't want delicious food that takes absolutely no thought, or talent, to make? No one, that's who.

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