Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Weight Loss Learny things & Ideas

1. Cutting back on coffee so you don't have as much sugar is really easy to do when you're high as a kite on Green tea... don't think that can happen? Try drinking eight cups, then come back and tell me that..

2. Garlic is amaaazing. Okay so that's not really "weight loss", but it's delicious, and healthy, and makes awesome explosion flavors in your mouth.

3. You're going to fail. Multiple times. But this isn't a test you're studying for, and can walk away from when you're done. This is life. Get used to it, get up and keep walking. Every day is a new day to start again.

4. Someone who lost 100+ pounds told me it's harder to get on the train, than it is to stay on. She told me this as I was yo-yo-ing in my eating. And she's so right. I was all over the place with my eating, and I felt like I was drowning. I still have those days, and I'm sure there is more to come. But I hope with more experience I will be able to stay on the train.

All Aboard!


5. Planning is a bitch. But it's worth it's weight in gold.

6. Always eat before you leave the house in the morning. Cinnamon rolls, bagels, muffins, bean and cheese burritos, etc. seem less tasty when you're not THAT hungry.

7. It's OKAY to be hungry. This is something I struggle with. I'm actually afraid to be hungry, so I always over-stuff my lunch for the day, and end up overeating. But being a little hungry is NOT going to kill me. I'll be just fine.Thankyouverymuch.

8. The scale is not your friend. I repeat. The scale is NOT your friend. It's more like an abusive boyfriend. I obsessed over that stupid number. Weighing myself multiple times a day, several times each time (just to make sure I got an accurate number *eye-roll*), and it would just bring me down. My solution? I had husband hide it from me. Now it's completely inaccessible. If I do weigh myself, it's usually once a month. This lets me concentrate on what's really important.Health.


9. Go Grocery shopping, preferably on the weekends. Don't  be all like, "It's okay, I'll go tomorrow and everything will be all rainbows, unicorns and skinny jeans". Just don't. You know why? Because tomorrow will come, and you'll be all tired and hungry and say "Fuck it", and get yourself a cheeseburger and fries. And after you're done, and the bliss of gorging yourself has long since faded you'll be sitting there, feeling gross, asking yourself "Whyyyyy?". 

10. Exercise is great, but it's only half the battle. Not even that. It's 20%. That's right. And if you don't believe me, ask yourself how many professional athletes do you know that pig out on oreos, french fries, and Mai-Tai's every day? That's right. None. Unless they're retired...or some type of football player, and even then I'm sure they eat pretty healthy

11. Take it slow. Eating healthy when you spent your life eating a plethora of junk food is a lot like losing your virginity. It's very uncomfortable at first, probably painful, but eventually things get rolling and it starts to feel good. Real good. But you need to take it slow first, because if you just raw-dog it, it's going to suck, you're not going to like it, and you will never let it happen again. Probably. Same goes for exercise.

12. You don't need to spend tons of money buying expensive workout gear. New shoes and pants aren't going to make the workout easier. You just need to be comfortable.



13. Okay don't spend a lot of money on clothes, but invest in a good bra. I'm a size G (Yes, I said G), and if I didn't have a really good bra, my girls would be bouncing all over the place. And not in the attractive Baywatch way either.
This is what I use, yes it looks scary, but this shit [pointing at chest] stays in place.  http://www.enell.com/

Other bras that help with the wiggle and jiggle:
http://www.movingcomfort.com/
http://www.titlenine.com/product/sports-bras-and-undies/shop+all/320117.do?sortby=ourPicks#.UCreUqBQQ0k

14. Get Support. I used to be a person that hated talking about her weight loss, or diet plan, or whatever. But part of the OA program is having a sponsor. And having a sponsor requires you text/email them what you're eating EVERY.DAY. And at first that sounded abhorrent to me, because like I really need another judgey person going, "she ate what?! Gross". But it wasn't like that at all. She was so accepting, and even when I fall she helps me talk about my feelings so I can get back up and keep moving forward. My sponsor is a true blessing. I should probably tell her that more often.

15. This is probably the most important one. Find your trigger foods, and Stay Away from them. Chances are, if you're like me there are certain foods that you don't have an off switch for. Mine is fast food. Yes, I know it's gross and unhealthy, but I like slushy meat, okay? For others, it might be sugar and flour. Whatever it is, there aren't many people that can have a couple bites of their trigger food and simply savor it. Most of the time we "savor" the whole box and contemplate going to get more. That's why it's just better to not have it all.

So I think that's it. I'm no guru, these are just what I'm learning as I stumble along. The main point is, don't give up. You'll be healthy one day, just know you'll be YOUR healthy. Not the ideal according to the media. Trying to look like that will just drive you crazy.


Thursday, August 9, 2012

Thoughts about the strangleholds of Food Addiction....... I'll give you a hint, It's a Bitch.

One of the hardest things about food addiction (or any probably any addiction), is that when you're plugging along, making progress, all of a sudden your addiction comes in and completely smacks you down. It's never anything obvious, it could be something totally innocent like thinking you want a couple fries "just to get the taste", or not going grocery shopping for the week on Sunday like you normally do. Then you find yourself Monday morning with the perfect excuse to go to the two different fast food places, and gorge yourself on just crap. And usually, there is little to no argument against what you're doing, or about to do. It's just the disease talking, telling you "it's okay" and "just this once". Of course, that's just the start, because what follows after that high of a food coma, is complete demoralization. You felt like you lost. Again.  And you're stuck in the mud reaching out for a hand to come and pull you out, when the only person who can truly help, is yourself. It's heartbreaking. It's disappointing. It's paralyzing.

This is where I'm at right now. And my biggest downfall was the scale. I had thought to myself that because I'd been eating so healthy all week, that there just had to be change in that stupid number that seems to define everything I am. Of course, there was none, or whatever there was just wasn't appearing on the scale. And I just lost hope. I figured, what was the point? I try and try, and I'm just going to be fat forever... Of course, I know this is just the addiction talking, because it wants me to hate myself. Because if I hate myself than I will eat more things to get that feeling of "fullness" again.

It all started out very, very slow; just a piece of candy here or there... then the weekend came, and we went out of town. Vacation to me, is license to eat what I want, when I want, and however much I want. It's Thursday now, and I'm working with my sponsor to plan what I'm going to eat everyday, because otherwise I'm eating like I'm still on vacation. So I call her at 6am, and tell her what's for breakfast,lunch and dinner. Then I text her with exactly what I'm eating, even if I eat Cheez-its and a Snickers bar like I did yesterday. And I'm having to force myself not to manipulate her into thinking I'm eating well, or not eating exactly what I'm explaining... Because I'm very good at this; I've been doing it for a long time.

But the worst part about this all, is just how SICK I am of myself. I'm so sick of hiding, I'm so sick of waiting. Because surely, when I lose the weight, I'll finally be able to feel free, I'll finally be able to exist without being self conscious, I'll finally have friends, and the job, and the money, and the life I always wanted. I say this sarcastically of course, because all these have nothing to do with me being obese, and everything to do with my addiction. Addiction in general, is just a very lonely, sad and bitter place to be. And my greatest solace right now is that I'm working through it. See, I may want to hide from myself and my sponsor, but I don't. I force myself to completely honest with myself, and her. And I just keep plugging along, hoping for that day when I can experience true serenity and peace.

So here's to starting over many times, and not giving up hope. Even when it seems like I have none.